Since the airing of VH1’s show “What Chilli Wants”, it has been said that women have been exposed. Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas member of TLC ran down her infamous “checklist” of the requirements that the man she seeks must have. Her man must be super fine, love kids, “can’t eat pork, can’t drink, can’t smoke and must be packing.” Is this too much to ask? Is she being picky? Shallow?
Men and women alike, at the college level or otherwise continue to venture off into the dating arena with a prepared list and if the person they encounter does not meet their requirements they head toward the nearest exit. Sound familiar? While some men and women’s checklists are great novels and some are classic fairy tales, many don’t realize that at the end of the day compromise must happen. What qualities mean the most to you and which ones are you willing to forego? Now, I’m not saying find a woman that is a great house wife but lacks in beauty, everyone wants a pleasant sight to wake up to the next day. But does that mean dating the super model that can’t hold an intellectual conversation, who doesn’t cook or clean? And for the woman, does that mean having the man with all the looks, who doesn’t have a car or job?
Are women asking too much? Are guys guilty as well? Let’s see what men and women are looking for…
What she says….
“I want someone who looks at my eyes when he talks to me and someone who thinks I’m funny. As for physique and habits I’ve given up because I always end up with someone who’s the opposite of what I’m looking for…it’s just depressing.”
-Senior, Human Development and Family Studies Major (HDF), 21 yrs old
“I’m simply looking for someone that is God fearing, has a great personality, is caring, supportive, and hardworking”
-Junior, Biology Major, 19
“I’m looking for someone who’s about 5’5, gorgeous smile, loves God, and has a car and a JOB! I also want someone who loves to laugh (time and place appropriate) but at the same time can hold an intelligent conversation.”
-Sophomore, Communications Major, 19 yrs old
“I need someone to be sensitive, honest, courageous, manly, sweet, and understanding. Appearance wise I think girls are very picky because most are looking for a guy with that perfect body. I think personality wise guys are very picky about what are the qualities they want in a woman.”
-Senior, Human Development and Family Studies Major (HDF), 22
What he says…
“I love someone with a great personality, sense of humor, has aspirations, intelligence and style. I think women happen to be very picky because they base everything off of previous relationships more than most men do. I believe some people use this list to an advantage more than a crippling handicap. You can use the list not only to restrict yourself from being involved with those bad people but also to use it to discover the traits of a good person. The list has helped me because I know who I need to surround myself with and who not to waste my time with.”
-Senior, Political Science, 21 years old
"What is expected is a job so that they can support themselves and intelligence! People don’t want to have someone that is not intelligent enough to have a conversation. Also they have to have talent, knowing if this person has something very unique that makes their personality interesting to the sore eye. It will be a complete bore if your the only cool one in the relationship. No matter what we do, we all have these ridiculous checklists that will never be fulfilled because the right person to have a relationship with has something you don’t look for in a guy or girl. It’s all a mystery that makes the relationship! I really do think we rely on checklists too much that we never see the actual person that is "the one" for us. We are so blind to what society builds from creating images like movies and TV shows that it’s programmed in our minds that we’re suppose to have this type of relationship.”
-Junior, Communications Major, 20
“She has to be open minded. I cannot date someone who is fixated in her ideals/beliefs and is not willing to learn anything new, or to question her beliefs. No fundamental "insert religion here" nor fundamental atheists. She also has to be passionate about something. I would hope that she would passionately stand up for her ideals, or that she would strife to reach a goal. Knowledge is a big thing for me, and if she had a variety of topics to talk about would be great. It can be philosophy, science, victorian literature, why hello kitty does not have a mouth, or just about her childhood. Knowledge isn't always found in books. Yeah, I'm very picky. Asking for all those things should be illegal. At one point, I only wanted to be with someone who would believe in me, but when I was with someone like that I forgot about believing in myself. That's why I scratched that from the list and from now on I'm the first person that has to believe in myself .”
-Sophomore, English Major/ Spanish Minor, 19
“I’m looking for someone with a great smile, who can carry themselves well, and can hold a conversation. I’m also focusing on if they have structure for what they want in life, but personality is most important. I can see how girls can be viewed as having higher standards than guys, depending on what part the person is in their life determines what they begin to look for in traits and what the person can do for them. Relationships are slowly becoming a thing of the past for our generation.”
–Senior, Double Major: Human Development and Family Studies/ Psychology, 21
" I need someone that's funny, laidback, intelligent, and has high self esteem. Also, I'm looking for someone who has a beautiful smile, who's healthy, curvy, spontaneous, and fearless. Yes...Big Yes, I think girls definitely have higher standards than guys! Women are more emotional than men and they want someone to cuddle, great body, financially stable etc. It's unrealistic!"
-Recent Graduate, Engineering Major, 23
***Maybe a mile-long list is necessary in order to find the "one". Perhaps the recipe for love is to look further at what means the most to you and what you really want out of life. So much for having that supermodel to wake up to or having the title as the hot football players girlfriend. Even at the end of Chilli's show, she realized that her checklist was unreasonable and superficial. Is it time to re-evaluate life? A list is not only to check things off but more importantly it is a tool to use to analyze, edit and above all REFLECT! Is it time to close the fairy tale books and magazines and come back to reality?
